I’ve been meaning to start a blog for sometime but I always come up with an excuse: I need this and that set up, it will take too long, I’ll get consumed by it, I need to dial down my message, I’m rusty, and so on. I’m not going to lie, making my writing public is a bit terrifying. I knew it wasn’t going to be easy but I didn’t realize how scared I was until I tried to sit down to write this intro. Instantly I felt blocked. Nothing was coming out right, I wasn’t making sense, and the flood of judgement was consuming me. Part of me just wants to start over. I don’t like how I sound, things could be stated better…I could keep on editing, keep these flaws to myself.
Even though it can be intimidating, it’s liberating putting words down on paper. I enjoy having an outlet that contrasts with the visual arts I’m usually involved in. I’m not trained, I do it for myself to work out thoughts, but rarely for show.
Unfortunately, we are often taught that if what we make isn’t GREAT, it doesn’t deserve to be shown, or we tell ourselves the alternate, no one cares, why waste time. How much is being deprived in preservation of a fake or shallow image. I don’t think I’m alone in my thirst for authenticity, engagement, and connection.
Obviously exposing ourselves, and showing something raw and imperfect is unnerving, but I think that’s where much of the value lies. Not in the end, but in the fight. It’s in the grit of showing up, participating, and discovering that is interesting. It’s our growth and search. It’s about not holding any one point up as more precious then the other, but realizing it’s the tension between them that creates the picture. I am working on loosening up that perfectionism and allowing the errors to have their own humble color.
Each of us has an unique position and perspective that is necessary for the whole to perform. We are all part of a bigger organism. I’m working on getting aligned with who I am so I can better connect with you. As I show up and share with you my own journey and process, I hope you might also find the courage to find and express yourself. And hopefully, our lives will be richer and more meaningful because of it.